Christmas is coming! The goose* is getting fat!

Crossposted from Silk & Shadows

*And by “goose,” I mean “writer.”

Currently working on: Finding the worst white elephant gift
Mood: Hunting

Too much butter and sugar is slowing me down. I only have a few days left to find a white elephant gift for my tribe’s annual Christmas Eve bestest party in the whole wide world. As a stereotypical introvert, I’m not usually into parties, but this party is one of my favorites and I want to do it right. Or wrong, as is the right way to do a white elephant.

A good white elephant is, of course, a bad white elephant. For those who aren’t familiar with the tale, the term white elephant came from a story that Siamese kings gave these giant, hungry, pooping, occasionally rampaging animals as “gifts” to people who really “deserved” them. Horrible art, eye-searingly ugly clothing and excessively large items of any sort are perfect white elephant gifts. But I’m having some trouble this year.

At my day job white elephant exchange, one woman got a can of Spotted Dick. There was much adolescent snickering. (Yeah, my day job isn’t too worried about sexual harassment cases, apparently.) Since I do marketing work in my day job, I was horrified to read the instructions on the can and snapped a picture to share with my Twitter friends.

(What? You don’t follow me on Twitter?! Find me there and say hey, so I can follow you back.)

Now you can snicker at Spotted Dick too. I mean, seriously, who uses “spurting” in ad copy?

I thought about getting a can for my giveaway, but it seemed like a cop-out. I need something worse…

So while I was researching/surfing the web for white elephant ideas, I found porcupines instead. So for your Christmas cookie-eating pleasure, here’s Teddy:

I’ve decided to get a talking porcupine in a Santa hat for my white elephant gift. Perfect, don’t you think?

But if you have another suggestion, please feel free to share and save my friends from either of these terrible gifts.

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