Out of the darkness

So I’ve been gone for awhile. Not gone, gone, just… gone. All the usual excuses apply: deadlines, day job stuff, family drama, life, tragic plot mistake (THIS is what I get for deviating from my outline!), crisis of confidence, blah blah blah bleh. Even listing them doesn’t make the excuses seem any more fascinating, and I love lists.

I wanted to wait until I had something clever or useful to share before I came back, but then I thought, if I wait for the deadlines, day job stuff, family drama, life, tragic plot mistake (NEVER again with the deviating!), crisis of confidence to resolve themselves so I can be clever or useful again, I’ll never come back. I’ll just stay gone forever.

Part of my overwhelm came in the shape of a few reminders that if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. Sometimes it feels as if the world itself would stop spinning if I weren’t kicking it.

That might seem megalomaniacal, and it is. And ya know what else it is? It is TRUE. The world WILL stop spinning if I don’t kick it. Well, not the world, world. But my worlds. My worlds will never come into being if I don’t keep kicking.

So here’s me, kicking, kicking one foot in front of the other until I’m back in the light.

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4 thoughts on “Out of the darkness

  1. I’m glad you are poking your head out–even if you don’t feel completely together. It is important to get above the muck and face the world–however difficult. As for being constantly clever and useful, it is really overrated. Actually, those of us who envy clever, useful people love it when one admits to actually having a belly button after all.

    So join the real world and keep kicking. The thing about world kicking, is that if you get it off balance just enough you get to re-build in the image you want. Yeah, it may be an image through rose-colored glasses–or in your dark, demon-obsessed world with the flying shiny squirrels it may be psychedelic glasses. The point is though, you get to control it. You get to decide what kind of glasses you want to view the world through.

    Oh, if you get bogged down and the world stops spinning, give me a call. I can kick it for awhile for you. Sometimes you need a relief kicker to give your leg a rest. Then get back up and kick again.

  2. Jessa,

    Good to know even you get da ‘I’m Not Good Enough’ blues! And that is such a sad commentary on me as a writer friend … but still.

    Keep your chin up, Incredibly Talented One! Da INGE Blues come with the package of being so creative that sometimes your talent turns on you and uses those fabulous talons not to seize the day, but to grab you in your weakest point and twist until you cringe and forget it’s all worth it.

    You have received a powerful gift, and you are using it. And that’s what it’s all about.

    best,
    Cathryn

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